When Love Needs Help: Couples Psychotherapy for Partners Trying to Find Each Other Again

When the relationship starts to hurt

A relationship is never static.
It breathes and changes; it moves through moments of closeness and silence, laughter and tension, and the longing to find each other again.

Sometimes we speak less and stay quiet more. Other times we argue over small things and don’t understand why.
It feels as if something has shifted—attention, tenderness, the lightness with which we once said “good morning.”

Many couples pass through these phases. They are a natural part of any relationship—not proof that love is gone. Sometimes we simply get lost in the noise of everyday life, in tiredness, in the words left unsaid.

The normal crises of love

In therapy we call these normative crises—events most couples face:
the arrival of a child, role changes, caregiver fatigue, children starting school or entering adolescence, and eventually leaving home.

Other crises arrive unexpectedly—loss, infidelity, emotional distance, accumulated disappointment, or the deep sense that “we can’t go on like this.”

In these moments, the most common questions are:
“Is it normal to feel this way?”
“Can we find each other again?”
“Is there a way back to closeness?”

Couples therapy is not a sign of failure. It is an act of care.

Seeking therapeutic support doesn’t mean something is broken.
It means you want to protect what is real.

Many couples come to the room saying: “We fight about stupid things.”
Look deeper and there is almost always pain—
not because someone forgot to buy the lemons, but because someone feels unseen, unheard, unimportant.

The truth is simple:
We never fight about the lemons.
We fight about whether we still matter to each other.

When anger is only the surface

Behind anger there is always pain—and a need.
“Do I still have a place in your heart?”
“Can you hear me without fixing me?”
“Will you stay when I am vulnerable?”

In therapy, we gather these uncertain, unspoken parts of the relationship and lay them out again.
Piece by piece, with care and attention, partners begin to see not the fault, but the person across from them.
And something quiet yet profound happens—closeness returns.

What to expect from therapy

Couples psychotherapy is a safe, understanding space. It helps partners to:

• be heard without judgment

• see what truly lies beneath conflict

• recognize their fears and needs

• build new ways of connection

In my work as an integrative therapist, I combine a systemic approach with Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)—a method validated in numerous studies worldwide.
This therapy does not seek who is right, but what happens between you.
It helps you hear the emotions behind words and rebuild the trust lost along the way.

When to seek help

• when conversations turn into arguments

• when intimacy has faded

• when one partner feels “alone” in the relationship

• after infidelity or a loss of trust

• when life transitions strain your bond

How the process works

Sessions are held with both partners—in Sofia or online.
Duration: 60 minutes, typically once every one or two weeks.
The process is gentle, yet deeply transformative.

What can change

• a renewed sense of closeness and understanding

• trust rebuilt

• a more conscious and healthy relationship

• a new model of communication

Most importantly: there is hope.
Any relationship can be revived when both partners want to listen.
Therapy is not an ending—it is a new beginning.

With love and care,
Petya Bankova
integrative and emotionally focused approach for couples and families