{"id":1534,"date":"2025-11-05T10:53:19","date_gmt":"2025-11-05T10:53:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/?p=1534"},"modified":"2025-11-05T10:53:19","modified_gmt":"2025-11-05T10:53:19","slug":"how-can-i-make-others-like-me-what-should-i-change","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/en\/2025\/11\/05\/how-can-i-make-others-like-me-what-should-i-change\/","title":{"rendered":"How Can I Make Others Like Me? What Should I Change?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"93\"><strong data-start=\"59\" data-end=\"93\">Do You See the World This Way?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"95\" data-end=\"334\">Some people perceive their world in rigid, divided categories \u2013 <em data-start=\"159\" data-end=\"179\">liked vs. disliked<\/em>, <em data-start=\"181\" data-end=\"203\">success vs. failure.<\/em><br data-start=\"203\" data-end=\"206\" \/>In reality, the world is far more complex than that.<br data-start=\"258\" data-end=\"261\" \/>That\u2019s why the answer to such a question cannot be simple or universal.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"336\" data-end=\"613\">If you struggle with the feeling of being \u201cunlikable,\u201d there are many possible reasons that need to be considered before you start making changes.<br data-start=\"482\" data-end=\"485\" \/>Unfortunately, the question itself often lacks enough information for anyone to truly understand what the underlying issue is.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"615\" data-end=\"674\">Here we return to a key principle of <strong data-start=\"652\" data-end=\"671\">Gestalt therapy<\/strong>:<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"615\" data-end=\"674\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-1517\" src=\"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/2-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/2-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/2-80x80.jpg 80w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/2-36x36.jpg 36w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/2-180x180.jpg 180w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/2.jpg 602w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"615\" data-end=\"674\">\n<p data-start=\"615\" data-end=\"674\"><strong>We cannot understand the meaning of an event without knowing the field from which it emerged.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"775\" data-end=\"821\">There are too many possible interpretations.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"775\" data-end=\"821\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-1520\" src=\"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/3-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/3-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/3-80x80.jpg 80w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/3-36x36.jpg 36w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/3-180x180.jpg 180w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/3.jpg 602w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"828\" data-end=\"867\">Does Your Situation Look Like This?<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"869\" data-end=\"994\">Imagine a simple picture \u2013 a drawing of a field that symbolically represents you and your background (what remains unseen).<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"996\" data-end=\"1211\">If you are like the little fawn in this picture, then your youth or lack of life experience could be contributing to your challenges.<br data-start=\"1129\" data-end=\"1132\" \/>Or perhaps you are simply different from the people you wish to connect with.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1213\" data-end=\"1491\"><strong data-start=\"1213\" data-end=\"1240\">Two Bunnies \u2013 One Fawn.<\/strong><br data-start=\"1240\" data-end=\"1243\" \/>In the picture there are two bunnies and only one young deer.<br data-start=\"1304\" data-end=\"1307\" \/>Maybe the group\u2019s \u201cstandards\u201d are shaped around bunnies, not deer.<br data-start=\"1373\" data-end=\"1376\" \/>In other words \u2013 there is nothing wrong with you; you just don\u2019t completely fit into that particular environment.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1213\" data-end=\"1491\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-1523\" src=\"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/4-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/4-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/4-80x80.jpg 80w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/4-36x36.jpg 36w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/4-180x180.jpg 180w, https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/4.jpg 602w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1493\" data-end=\"1649\">Or maybe your situation looks more like this:<br data-start=\"1538\" data-end=\"1541\" \/>The people around you might fear you \u2013 seeing you not as different but as \u201cintimidating\u201d or \u201cthreatening.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"1656\" data-end=\"1686\">Insufficient Information<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"1688\" data-end=\"1738\">To truly understand, we need to know more about:<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1740\" data-end=\"2046\"><strong data-start=\"1740\" data-end=\"1748\">You:<\/strong> age, gender, appearance, education, goals, interests.<br data-start=\"1802\" data-end=\"1805\" \/><strong data-start=\"1805\" data-end=\"1820\">Likability:<\/strong> what makes you believe you\u2019re not liked? What traits or behaviors might others find off-putting?<br data-start=\"1917\" data-end=\"1920\" \/><strong data-start=\"1920\" data-end=\"1931\">Others:<\/strong> whom do you want to be liked by? What are their values and criteria? What kind of people do <em data-start=\"2024\" data-end=\"2030\">they<\/em> find likable?<\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"2053\" data-end=\"2083\">Please Define \u201cLikable.\u201d<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"2085\" data-end=\"2326\">There is no single definition.<br data-start=\"2115\" data-end=\"2118\" \/>Different people, at different stages of life and with different goals, perceive \u201clikability\u201d differently.<br data-start=\"2224\" data-end=\"2227\" \/>Someone who is likable to me might not be likable to you \u2013 or to the group you want to belong to.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2328\" data-end=\"2371\">For some, being likable might mean being:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"2372\" data-end=\"2453\">\n<li data-start=\"2372\" data-end=\"2381\">\n<p data-start=\"2374\" data-end=\"2381\">cool,<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2382\" data-end=\"2394\">\n<p data-start=\"2384\" data-end=\"2394\">wealthy,<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2395\" data-end=\"2404\">\n<p data-start=\"2397\" data-end=\"2404\">kind,<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2405\" data-end=\"2418\">\n<p data-start=\"2407\" data-end=\"2418\">friendly,<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2419\" data-end=\"2429\">\n<p data-start=\"2421\" data-end=\"2429\">funny,<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2430\" data-end=\"2453\">\n<p data-start=\"2432\" data-end=\"2453\">highly intelligent.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 data-start=\"2460\" data-end=\"2476\">Reflection<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"2478\" data-end=\"2808\">Often, when a person searches for an answer to why they don\u2019t feel \u201cliked,\u201d there is not enough clarity about the context in which this feeling arises.<br data-start=\"2629\" data-end=\"2632\" \/>Without specific information about one\u2019s personal characteristics, experiences, and social environment, it is difficult to draw precise conclusions or offer helpful guidance.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2810\" data-end=\"3052\">Sometimes this search is driven by an unconscious assumption \u2013 the belief that others think as we do and understand our experience without us having to explain it.<br data-start=\"2973\" data-end=\"2976\" \/>This mindset often leads to misunderstanding and a sense of disconnection.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3054\" data-end=\"3246\">It can be deeply useful to pause and explore the question more consciously \u2013 to reflect not only on your own position but also to imagine how it might appear from someone else\u2019s perspective.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3253\" data-end=\"3272\"><strong data-start=\"3253\" data-end=\"3270\">Ask Yourself:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"3273\" data-end=\"3731\">\n<li data-start=\"3273\" data-end=\"3329\">\n<p data-start=\"3275\" data-end=\"3329\">What am I truly looking for by asking this question?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3330\" data-end=\"3396\">\n<p data-start=\"3332\" data-end=\"3396\">Have I made my question clear enough for others to understand?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3397\" data-end=\"3465\">\n<p data-start=\"3399\" data-end=\"3465\">Can I view my situation through the reader\u2019s or observer\u2019s eyes?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3466\" data-end=\"3548\">\n<p data-start=\"3468\" data-end=\"3548\">Do I see things only from my perspective, or can I sense other points of view?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3549\" data-end=\"3642\">\n<p data-start=\"3551\" data-end=\"3642\">Do I realize that people perceive reality differently \u2013 both from me and from each other?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3643\" data-end=\"3731\">\n<p data-start=\"3645\" data-end=\"3731\">After reading this reflection, has my understanding of the issue shifted in any way?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 data-start=\"3738\" data-end=\"3768\">In a Therapeutic Context<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"3770\" data-end=\"4247\">This awareness marks the <strong data-start=\"3795\" data-end=\"3835\">first step toward emotional maturity<\/strong> \u2013 realizing that our experience is only one of many perspectives.<br data-start=\"3901\" data-end=\"3904\" \/>When we begin to see reality not only through our own lens but also through the eyes of others, we create space for understanding, empathy, and genuine communication.<br data-start=\"4070\" data-end=\"4073\" \/>This awareness not only helps us feel more understood but also enables us to build meaningful relationships where authenticity and acceptance replace the fear of rejection.<\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"4254\" data-end=\"4304\">My 5 Steps Toward Being a More Likable Person<\/h2>\n<h3 data-start=\"4306\" data-end=\"4344\">1. Start with Self-Acceptance <\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"4345\" data-end=\"4591\">You can\u2019t truly connect with others if you secretly judge yourself.<br data-start=\"4412\" data-end=\"4415\" \/>Work on your inner dialogue \u2013 the way you speak to yourself.<br data-start=\"4475\" data-end=\"4478\" \/>When we are kind and forgiving toward our own imperfections, we naturally extend the same warmth toward others.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4593\" data-end=\"4711\">Therapy and mindfulness practices help soften the inner critic and build a more stable and compassionate self-image.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"4713\" data-end=\"4716\" \/>\n<h3 data-start=\"4718\" data-end=\"4765\">2. Practice Curiosity, Not Performance <\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"4766\" data-end=\"5073\">People love to feel <em data-start=\"4786\" data-end=\"4793\">seen.<\/em><br data-start=\"4793\" data-end=\"4796\" \/>Instead of worrying about how you appear to others, focus on getting to know them.<br data-start=\"4878\" data-end=\"4881\" \/>Ask gentle questions, listen to what matters to them, and respond with genuine interest.<br data-start=\"4969\" data-end=\"4972\" \/>This creates an emotional bridge \u2013 it shifts the energy from <em data-start=\"5033\" data-end=\"5051\">\u201cHow do I look?\u201d<\/em> to <em data-start=\"5055\" data-end=\"5071\">\u201cHow are you?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"5075\" data-end=\"5078\" \/>\n<h3 data-start=\"5080\" data-end=\"5129\">3. Express Warmth Through Small Gestures <\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"5130\" data-end=\"5341\">Smile when you greet people, remember small details, use their names.<br data-start=\"5199\" data-end=\"5202\" \/>Warmth is a nonverbal language \u2013 tone of voice, eye contact, presence.<br data-start=\"5272\" data-end=\"5275\" \/>Even in silence, when you\u2019re fully present, you become magnetic.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"5343\" data-end=\"5346\" \/>\n<h3 data-start=\"5348\" data-end=\"5380\">4. Regulate Your Energy <\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"5381\" data-end=\"5638\">If your emotions swing between enthusiasm and withdrawal (common among sensitive or empathic people), focus on emotional balance.<br data-start=\"5510\" data-end=\"5513\" \/>Grounding techniques, mindful breathing, and journaling can help you stay centered \u2013 people feel safe around steady energy.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"5640\" data-end=\"5643\" \/>\n<h3 data-start=\"5645\" data-end=\"5684\">5. Be Consistent and Congruent \u2764\ufe0f<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"5685\" data-end=\"5872\">Likability grows where people sense integrity.<br data-start=\"5731\" data-end=\"5734\" \/>Say what you mean, mean what you say, and act in alignment with your values.<br data-start=\"5810\" data-end=\"5813\" \/>You don\u2019t have to be perfect \u2013 just real, open, and kind.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"5874\" data-end=\"5877\" \/>\n<h3 data-start=\"5879\" data-end=\"5898\">In Essence <\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"5899\" data-end=\"6005\">Don\u2019t aim to be liked.<br data-start=\"5921\" data-end=\"5924\" \/>Aim to be <em data-start=\"5934\" data-end=\"5973\">present, kind, and emotionally aware.<\/em><br data-start=\"5973\" data-end=\"5976\" \/>The rest follows naturally.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"6007\" data-end=\"6010\" \/>\n<p data-start=\"6012\" data-end=\"6192\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"><strong data-start=\"6012\" data-end=\"6023\">Source:<\/strong> Adapted from materials by <em data-start=\"6050\" data-end=\"6073\">Elinor Greenberg, PhD<\/em>, author of <em data-start=\"6085\" data-end=\"6138\">Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.<\/em><br data-start=\"6138\" data-end=\"6141\" \/><strong data-start=\"6141\" data-end=\"6152\">Author:<\/strong> <em data-start=\"6153\" data-end=\"6168\">Petya Bankova<\/em><br data-start=\"6168\" data-end=\"6171\" \/>With love and care <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do You See the World This Way? Some people perceive their world in rigid, divided categories \u2013 liked vs. disliked, success vs. failure.In reality, the world is far more complex than that.That\u2019s why the answer to such a question cannot be simple or universal. If you struggle with the feeling of being \u201cunlikable,\u201d there are [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1514,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pagelayer_contact_templates":[],"_pagelayer_content":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How Can I Make Others Like Me? What Should I Change? - Integri Therapy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Discover how to become more likable through five therapeutic steps: self-acceptance, curiosity, emotional balance, and authentic connection. Inspired by Gestalt therapy and emotional awareness.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/integritherapy.com\/en\/2025\/11\/05\/how-can-i-make-others-like-me-what-should-i-change\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Can I Make Others Like Me? What Should I Change? - Integri Therapy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Discover how to become more likable through five therapeutic steps: self-acceptance, curiosity, emotional balance, and authentic connection. 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